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Ermahgerd. Berks.

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Caliban's War
James S.A. Corey
The Shining Girls


Embassytown - China Miéville BLARGH this guy. This guy needs to be stopped. He is using all the ideas. He is taking all the genres.(I was going to delete that but it got 10 votes, so it can stay. The sentiment still rings true. Stop using up all the ideas, you limey bastard!)--------INTERIOR: Parking garage. Almost every space is full. The only opening is a narrow space labeled "Compact Car." To its left sits a SHINY MOTORCYCLE.[A BLACK LEXUS creeps into view. The driver is irritated, swinging his head back and forth in search of a parking spot. He spies the open space.]DRIVER: Yes, finally! [sees sign] Fuuuck! [considers] Screw it.[The driver attempts to pull into the small space. He cuts the corner to closely and bumps the motorcycle, which FALLS OVER]DRIVER: SHIT! [Backing quickly out of the space, he attempts to drive away, but accidentally shifts into second, stalls.]DRIVER: Goddammit![Suddenly, a MENACING BALD MAN appears, slamming his fists against the driver's window.]MENACING BALD MAN: OY! MATE! WOT THE FUCK! That's my bike![Driver continues to try to get his car in gear.]MBM: Hey arsehole! [Pounds on glass] Open this window before I break it open! Don't you know who I am? I'M CHINA FUCKING MIÉVILLE!DRIVER: Oooooh shit. [Slowly opens window] Hey, hi, Mr. Miéville. I know what this must look like. Really, I was just backing out so I could open my door without damaging the bike. I was just looking for some paper to write a note. My insurance coverage is really...CHINA FUCKING MIÉVILLE: The hell you were, I saw you trying to drive away. Hey, wait a tic. You look familiar. I know you! You work for my publisher! You're that audiobook guy!DRIVER: Yes, yes sir, that's me. So you see, I certainly would never do anything to harm our working relationship. Why, I can give you cash now, how much do you...CFM: SHUT UP! You horse's arse. You were leaving the scene! You are lucky I don't call the cops! But I'm not going to do that...DRIVER: [relieved] Oh, thank you sir, thank you! Believe me, I would never...CFM: I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!!! [clenches fists] No, I'm not going to call the cops. This is what I am going to do. [a menacing smile begins to spread across his face as he talks] I'm going to write a book. A... sci-fi book this time. And it is going to be complicated. It is going to be dense as hell, with words that are unusual and hard to pronounce. It is going to take a long time to record. And, just for you, my good friend, it is going to be all about a language that is impossible for a human to speak or understand. Oh, I'll be able to visualize it in print just fine. But I sure pity the asshole who has to record it onto an audiobook. [CFM does a HEAD FAKE toward the driver, who flinches back]Good on ya', mate.[In one swift motion, CFM yanks his bike up by the handles, hops on and guns the engine. As he speeds away, tires screeching, his flips the driver the DOUBLE V SIGN because he is BRITISH]DRIVER: Shit.