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The Fermata (Vintage Blue)

The Fermata - Nicholson Baker The Douchiest Conversation I Have Ever Overheard, Or: An Over-Intellectual Hipster Talks About Sex in Such a Pretentious Way that You Suspect He Perhaps Does Not Have It All That Often - A Play in One ActSETTING: STAIRS leading down to SUBWAY PLATFORM on Jackson Street, Chicago, Ill. It is WINTER, and everyone is dressed in HEAVY COATS and SCARVES. THE PLAYERS: DOUCHEY HIPSTER and SILENT COMPANION~[We encounter DH and SC walking near the Jackson Street Blue Line subway stop. Their conversation is muffled. As they approach, we are gradually able to hear what they are saying.]DH: I was thinking of your comment, about that girl who had a really mild bush?[Note: DH should be talking INCREDIBLY, INAPPROPRIATELY LOUDLY, seemingly unaware that there are other people, perhaps, walking behind the pair]SC: ...DH: And it reminded me of this book by Nicholson Baker. Are you familiar with his work? He wrote this novel called The Fermata?SC: ...DH: It's about this guy who has the power to stop time, and he uses it to go up to woman and, like, he doesn't rape them? But he'll fondle them, or take off their clothes, or, like, jerk off on their faces. And there's this one girl, he pulls down her underwear and he describes her just massive bush, and he just goes on for pages describing it.[SUDDENLY we notice BYSTANDER, who appears in a SPOTLIGHT. He has been following DH and SC as they walked through the subway station. As DH continues speaking, he rapidly becomes indistinct as B continues to walk past.]B: What a douche.[SCENE]